Even though marriage is a union between two individuals, the parties entering it may have different expectations than others entering the same union. Marriages are unique to each couple. Both spouses will have views about the overall expectations upon entering. This may be brought about by seeing how their parents interacted, or their dating experiences which may make them view marriage with a jaundice eye. As years pass, and the marriage becomes more and more solid, the couple may change their expectation of how they view marriage in general, and what they want from their own experience.
In the infancy stages of the marriage also known as "the honeymoon stage" both parties may have unrealistic expectations of the marriage experience. As each person strives to please their spouse the problem areas of disagreements and the me first syndrome may take a back seat to overextending oneself to make the other happy. The expectation at this point is each person will be responsible to please their mate and live harmoniously with their spouse. People are more willing to be agreeable at this point in the union.
As the months and years move on the responsibility of obligations both financial and personal begin to become apparent. Each party should have an input in family matters, bill paying, future children and living within their means. At this time common necessity will take over as each individual may have different views on the issues at hand. It may not be as easy to agree, and voicing a view with compromise will enter the picture. This is the time couples see marriage as a partnership where both parties need to be open to their spouse's view, but, fight for their ideology with an open mind. The word fight in the previous sentence can mean a blowed up augument or hopefully most cases an opportunity to stay steadfast in their own views and diplomatically bring those ideas to the forefront.
Each partner must take an active role in keeping the marriage "afloat." "Rocky waters" will filter into this once "picture perfect" scene. Spouses at this point may see that compromise is a must for the continuance of this commitment. Before when life was simpler, and both parties were on good behavior there was no need for lowering the expectation of the role the other person was to fulfill.
Our spouses can not always please us by simply "rubber stamping" our every wish. Extended family obligations do become part of the marriage experience.
Work related issues will also be part of the everyday world of a marriage. Children will bring not only a lifetime of love and fulfillment but also will open up an area of discussion of child rearing and discipline. For the good of the offspring both parents need to fall into a happy ground, where the children can thrive and grow, knowing their parents are team players who only have their best interest in mind.
As a couple grows older and in many cases wiser the issues that were once important can fade into the background. Other pressing matters do take over and the way the situation is handled determines the stability of the couple's union. The expectation of one's partner will change because of necessity. Life is in constantly changing and the couple will reevaluate what they need and want from the union at that particular time.
Working together to help the marriage grow should be a priority that each partner should not lose sight of. Expectations of a married couple will go through a metamorphosis of sorts. People change over the years as maturity sets in and high expectations become less possible. A realistic view will in turn become the norm. Priority takes over, and reality sets in. Maybe as a young couple there was a feeling of being free spirits, with contentment the main focus. Of course responsibility becomes the main objective as the years progress. Knowing that it takes work from both parties to sustain the union is a must.
Expectations of marriage do change through the years. Both parties may realize that their original expectations are not obtainable. Reality does set in , and their original goals may change because of necessity. Living with a person who has needs and wants should not overshadow your own, but, learning to compromise may change the expectation of what once was, to an ideology where both parties will be active participants, responsible adults, top notch parents and team players on and off the "home court".
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