LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

I am trying to hold on to the fact that friends will come in and out of my life for a various reason. Some are meant to stay forever. Others are here only temporarily to teach me a valuable lesson or to help me through something. Maybe they were in my life to teach me and that lesson has been learned and our time together is simply over. I guess it is important for me to grieve and feel the pain fully. Then maybe I can move on to enhance another friendship or build entirely new friendships. But it is going to take some time to get used to this new empty place in my life that was once filled with their happy, smiling faces and all the good times we had.

After spending what might seem like a lifetime with someone, you come to the realization that there are reasons that you have to let them go. There are in our lifetime, many reasons to let someone go, and for various reasons. It might have been caused by the death of a loved one, or perhaps the breakup of a relationship gone sour. Life as you have known it will no longer be the same. Letting go of a life as you have known it, and accepting the changes that come with it, is difficult and can at times, be quite painful. However each of us faces having to Let Someone Go at some time in our lifetime.

Most of the time people enjoy long, long lives. Lots of people live well into their 70s or 80s, and some live even longer. Slowly, though, over the course of many years, the human body wears out, just like the tires on an old bicycle or the batteries in your favorite toy. When important parts of the body — like the heart or lungs or brain — wear out and stop working, the person most likely will die. When this happens, we say this person died of "old age."

Sometimes younger people die. Sometimes a person gets very sick, and despite all the hard work of doctors and medicines, nothing can keep this person's body working. If a very sick person dies, you may hear the adults around you say that person is better off now and no longer suffering. Still, every day doctors discover more ways to prevent and treat serious illness, so the chances of a person recovering improve all the time.

Other times people die suddenly, like in an accident. This may be the hardest kind of death for families and friends to deal with because it happens so fast. There is no time for them to get used to the idea of losing someone they love. The important thing to remember about this kind of death is it's often so sudden that the person who dies feels little or no pain. We can be relieved about that.

When someone we love dies, it hurts us. We feel sad that the person will no longer be around to talk to or to have fun with. That absence leaves a big hole in our lives. Maybe you cried — that's okay. We need to mourn, or grieve, over losing people and other things we love.

But just like when you skin your knee, the first, intense pain will go away after a while. It takes time for your knee to heal, but it hurts less and less each day. It's the same when somebody dies. That doesn't mean we forget or stop missing people who died. After a while, we can go back to our lives, still loving them and remembering them always.

Remembering people we love who have died is one way to keep them a part of us. Pictures help us do this. Looking at a photo album can help us remember fun times we had together.

When someone dies, you may start to wonder if the other people in your life will also die soon. You may ask yourself, "Will I die?" The best thing you can do is share these thoughts with your family. It may be difficult — maybe even a little painful — to talk about these things, but it can feel good to share your feelings. It's important to talk about any fears you may have instead of hiding them or pretending you aren't scared. The people who love you want to know you're having these feelings so they can help.

Did you know you can also help the grownups around you when they're sad that someone has died? Can you remember a funny story about the person who died? Or something nice that person did for you? Tell the good stories you remember out loud. They will make everyone feel a little better.

There are many things about death we do not know and may never know. We do know that it will happen, someday, to all of us. But you should not worry or wonder about it for very long. There are too many wonderful things to experience in the many, many years ahead.

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[Khairul Afiq Shahril (15 years old) and his sister, Nur Qairen Fathin Alesya Shahril (1 years old) - they died on Sunday, 30th October 2011 from a tragic car accident].

“To Allah We Belong and to Him is our Return. May Allah grant them Al-Firdaus. Dear Allah..grant their family patience and bring them by Your Might closer to you through this trial. Ameen".

We always wonder why do we miss someone. We keep on fighting with ourselves that what's the reason for missing that person? When you want to continue relationship with the person you keep on missing, you need to be clear with your intention. There might be you love that person, you like that person, you respect her/his qualities or that person is always with you when you need someone to lean on. Whatever may be the reason, it's very nice feeling to miss someone. You keep on thinking about that person whole day and night or if it's worst you might start imagining him/her near you. Many people feel that it's the worst feeling to miss someone but sometimes I feel it's the sweet pain and you can for sure enjoy missing someone. The only thing you need to remember is that you have to miss the golden moment you spend with each other. Please don't ever miss bad times you spend with that person. Always try to cherish the good moments and it will surely bring a smile on your face. Another thing which people do is to hide their feelings of that person they are missing. You must keep your ego aside and convey your feelings to that person. Life is too short; if you love or you miss someone do let them know. If that person understands you, it would never ruin your relationship.

Yes! I strongly feel that now one has to be increasingly aware of every word that he or she utters from his or her mouth. It is like shooting a bullet from the gun, which does not come back once it is shot from the gun. Words spoken without thinking can have damaging effect on anybody; who is at the receiving end of those spontaneous verbal volleys.

Just like clothes which reflect a person's status and background; language too is a very important indicator about the person's grooming and the character that he or she may have.That's why it becomes all the more important to choose your words carefully.

A great way of doing it would be to first ascertain the kind of audience you are speaking in front of. Educated and intellectual audiences would definitely not feel comfortable with rustic terms and might get put off by your comments.

Another great way of doing this is, to learn to be a good listener first; a method that i have been using in my communications for a long time now. If you listen to what others are saying first, it would be much easier for you to decide about the kind of communication you need to adopt for that particular discussion.

Jumping early into a discussion and speaking your mouth out might make you feel a bit out of place at times, if the other participants in the group feel offended about some of the comments.

Basically, the idea should be to let everyone speak and have their piece of minds right in front of all. Getting too enforcing about a point and proving your superiority can often result in misunderstandings being generated and the discussions being cut short and soon curtailed to a dead end without any healthy outcome.

I don't know. I am confused and asking myself, if you are deserving of my trust. After what had happened, I started have a doubt if I should trust you again. I know how good our friendship before but since that thing happened between us I became more aloof and it’s hard for me to give my 100% trust. I think even we become okay again as a friend our bonding and trust we have before will not be the same again. There were things that need to changed after what happened and it’s really hard for me to trust people around me. I am afraid to give my trust because they're who can ruin my life. I don't feel secured every time I think of those who I accept they are true friend but behind that they have bad intentions. I know we are not safe to have those kinds of people around us but we didn’t know who have good intention and a bad one. It's hard to choose a person to become our true friend..

In a marriage, what are the limits for friendship with a member of the opposite sex? Who sets these limits? What is the difference between a friendship and an emotional affair? Is an emotional affair wrong? Does an emotional affair help the marriage by letting a partner vent out all emotional frustration, which otherwise he/she would not have done with his/her spouse? Or does it kill the marriage?

Most of us have friendships. Many of us are very close in some of our friendships. We share quite a lot in such friendships. But when one develops such a close friendship with a member of the opposite sex, it can be termed as an emotional affair. Sharing intimate emotional

details with someone of opposite sex is called an emotional affair. This the the common definition. It also includes the clause that you are keeping your partner unaware about the emotional bond you share with someone else.

It hurts a marriage if after knowing about the details shared, the spouse feels that mutual trust was violated. If the emotional affair becomes strong, it may so happen that one may begin sharing more emotional details with one’s friend than with one’s spouse. That hurts the spouse and may also lead to a break-up.

It has being debated whether an emotional affair is purely emotional or it has begun because of physical attraction. Does one need a friend of opposite sex to share emotional details? Why not one of your own sex? And why does one feel uncomfortable with one’s spouse about this bond? If one wants to have emotional sharing, or to vent out feelings, one can easily consult a psychiatrist which will help her feel relieved and get advice. Or one can chose a friend of the same sex.

One who is involved in an emotional affair needs to ask own self if this is only emotional? Why do I need this person to talk about everything? You must reflect. Talk it out with your spouse. Let your head control your heart for a moment and think about the marriage and the bond. This may help you to understand an emotional affair and help you to come out of it.

There used to be this common phrase echoed throughout our lives, “TO ALWAYS BE READY TO FACE THE UNEXPECTED.” Surprising though in fact, when we consider that unexpected is something that we are totally unprepared for. How then can we face it?

I often wonder why did it have to happen like this? What if I had chosen to say to “NO”, would this sequence of events would have entailed so, in this manner.

This’s what I guess most of us do. When something out of the way happens, first is the emotion of disbelief. "No it’s not true", "Maybe I have seen it wrong" or "Maybe it was not meant to be for me".

Then is the next stage of shock. Or rather denial, why did it happen to me? Ironic fact is that, news is always easier to digest as long as we are not the victim. Somehow, good or bad, when it happens in the unexpected manner, we are bound to deny it first. Even if someone, said I won the lucky draw, I would first be in shock. And it would lead to me checking the numbers an ‘n’ number of times, fervently praying that I am not the victim of some prank.

And then finally, we accept the news. The trend which I have noticed, good or most often the bad, any news that comes out of the blue, takes us by surprise. Which is quite a genuine reaction, considering the fact that, the news was not an expected one. But what I feel is more important, is how we react to it, or rather how we deal with it, which influences the outcome of the “news”.

What I have seen, or rather experienced is that what is gone, is gone. What has happened has happened. I can’t change back the hands of time. When something happens, that I absolutely have no control over, it’s better to live through it and make the best of what I have got in my hands.

For someday, everything will make perfect sense. About why it happened so, was it worth it and more importantly, the answer to the question, "why me?". Till that moment arrives, for now, live the moments. Laugh whenever you can, through the confusion, the tears, and even the surprises. Smile for the pure joy of the moments. Not only for the sake of baring your teeth (though at times, that’s what is necessary), but smile from within for the pure happiness of the moments. And once in a while, keep reminding ourselves that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

Getting over a break up will be ten times harder if you are spending time alone with all of your sad/negative thoughts. So keep yourself in the company of others. When you spend time around others you give your brain a different stimulus to grasp onto.

You can also talk about your feelings openly and prepare to share your emotions with others. This can be hard to do considering you are in a very delicate state right now and your emotions can be affected very easily but it's important that you do not keep all of your feelings bottled inside. Find optimistic, trustworthy people to discuss your emotions with, you will feel better everytime you let yourself express the pain you have inside.

You should remove all painful reminders of “that person” from areas you will often come in contact with them. This does not mean you need to put everything in a box and give it back to them or throw the stuff away, this is just a step to help keep your mind free of "that person". Consider putting anything that remind you of “that person” in a 'safe place' until you are better prepared to deal with your heartache.

You should look into the new options you now have since the break up. You have more free time to hang out with your friends and family or to accomplish goals to improve your life and the lives of others. Think about the fact that you are now completely your own person.

You should know that your hobbies are a great way to free your mind of the emotional strain from your break up. They keep you active doing something you enjoy plus they challenge your mind and body.

Rather than sitting and pondering all the problems you are facing, take a 'glass-half-full' approach at the things you do and feel. Optimists view this glass half full, because there is still plenty left to enjoy; pessimists view the very same glass as half empty, because so much of it is gone already. We as humans we have the power to manage our feelings so if you decide to focus on feelings that make you happy, you will make progressive steps towards being a happy individual. This is a must. The more positive you tell yourself to be, the more positive you will be, simple as that.

Direct your sadness, anger, disbelief, or other emotions you are facing into a positive work effort. One of the great things about negative feelings is that they have the power to influence you at an equal level in the positive direction. Approach your duties with something to prove to yourself and the one who broke your heart. You will notice a strange surge of motivation when you direct your sadness in the right direction.

Remember the inner strength that we all hold. This strength seems to dim in our times of high vulnerability but it still exists. You have to know that you are number one and will always be number one. “That person” is just another person in the world, the same as you. Follow the attitude that you don't have any time to sit and waste on “that person” anymore. Create the proof to yourself that it is the opposite and “that person” doesn't control who you are. You are the master of your destination

.

I twisted my foot with the ankle hitting the ground for a quick moment on 18^th of May 2011, 7.00 a.m which had swelled up straight away after that. I heard some cracks and I thought I heard a popping sound, it happened so fast. It could be a sprain, fracture or broken but I thought if I heard a pop, I might have broken it. I've never broken a bone before so I don't know how that would feel, though.

A broken ankle hurts much more than a sprain, but depending on what exactly broke, you might still be able to walk. I waited a minute. I stood up and was able to walk on both my feet with some discomfort. Later I drove car to my work place. My job requires me to be on my feet for 4-5 hours. I got pain when standing (on feet with little or no sitting) and walking. I felt a horrible and sharp pain when climbing stairs to the point that I could hardly put weight on it. I have a pain in the distal end of my fibula on the outer ankle bump. It was pretty badly bruised and swollen. I expected it would extremely difficult to put any weight on my foot for the next few hours.

So I went to the hospital and I was put in a splint. I was advised to stay off the foot in case it is sprained, fractured, or broken and see a doctor right away if the pain or swelling gets worse within 3 days. The doctor told me that x-rays would possibly be required for a proper diagnosis and treatment. Proper diagnosis and treatment of a broken fibula depend on determining the exact area and type of the break. He gave me pain medicine to help deal with access pain.

I delayed going to the do an x-ray as thought it was just a sprain. I actually thought it would get better after a few days with a good rest! I walked on it, continued and pressed on with the steps, shouldering the pain on my foot for 5 days. At night the pain keeps me awake and finally I lose my confidence and so scared on putting pressure on my ankle.

When it seemed to get even worse (more painful, swelling wasn't going away) I went to the hospital on 23^rd of May 2011. I was able to drive to the hospital. I reached the hospital within 30 minutes and I could feel the pain in my ankle. I waited about an hour before I could meet the doctor and he diagnosed a broken fibula! The fibula is the smaller of two bones in the lower part of the leg between the ankle and the knee. He ordered x-rays and when he reviewed them, he then told me that I had broken my lateral malleolus. At this age, that was my first break! Fractures of the lateral malleolus is more complex because ligaments attach here, and because stability of the ankle joint is crucial to any weight-bearing activity. He realized that the bone was not quite where he wanted it to be and suggested surgery after all. He said it was the kind of break that could be fixed with a cast and without surgery.

There they put a long leg cast right away on me while my ankle was still very swollen. They told me the cast would become loose as the swelling goes down. The function of a cast is to immobilize and protect a broken or fractured bone or joint. It holds in place the broken bone keeping it in proper alignment to prevent movement during the rehabilitation process. I was nervous for how long it would take me to fully recover. I was told to use crutches. He wanted me to sleep with my foot upright on a pillow, which means I have to sleep on my back. I would need to keep my leg raised when sitting as this helps to stop my foot from swelling too much. I could also use a stool with cushions to do this, whatever is comfortable for me. This is difficult,... but I guessed necessary and I must follow his advice.

My nephew came to drive me home and we only arrived at about 8.30 p.m. I was also completely exhausted. I had a bath, then some food and went to bed earlier that night.

The next day..I couldn’t leave home. I got so bored …stuck in my house. I'm so bored and I am so over TV, computer, reading and sleeping. As a wife and mother of four, it's been more emotional and frustrating to be prisoner to the sofa. I had a wheelchair to move around inside my house without much difficulty at all. I used crutches too to get around short distances in my house. I was just not sure if I was using my crutches correctly. I got so depressed at first, because I am such an independent person, and I could no longer do anything for myself. It was the worst feeling in the world having to depend on everyone to do everything for me, the tiring walks with my crutches and the tiring showers. Ohhww..I couldn't wait to be able to go in and stand on my own! No one realizes until they have to live with it. I would have to stand on one foot in the shower and my husband/kids would be outside the bathroom waiting for me so he/they could help me out. My hubby became my 'carer' and he was brilliant. My daughters cooked the meals and did laundry and helped out wherever they could. And that my friends visited a lot at first, but with more time passing they don't come by as frequently. I have a lot of support and help from my family.

After three days my cast was put on I felt like it was tight but didn't think much of it. It felt really tight and an area at the top of the foot and the bottom of the foot felt too tight, with intense pressure in those areas. I even noticed that my toes looked swollen. That night I laid in bed and I felt like it's squeezing my foot and ankle and felt like my cast was going to explode. I didn't sleep at all. I felt like I was going crazy. I started thinking about how tight the cast was and almost started panicking. I wanted out of that cast so bad. I just wanted to cut it off but since my next appointment is on 27^th of May 2011, so I decided to tell the doctor about it on that day although I could feel my cast was very tight and uncomfortable.

After 5 days in that torture cast I went back to an orthopedic doctor on 27^th of May 2011 as instructed and told him that my cast was too tight because my foot was turning blue and purple worse than before the cast. It swelled. He told me to keep it on until it was healed. I went back home but could feel sharp pain on my foot. Since my cast was very tight, my foot becomes more swollen, which restricted my circulation. I was crying because I couldn't stand that pain anymore. I thought that my cast might have to be split to make my foot feel better. After a few hours my foot does not feel any better, then I contacted the Plaster Theater and went there immediately that night and thank God they finally made tiny cut in the sides of the cast to loosen it.

I had three weeks in a full legged cast. I was so frustrating that this is going to go on for weeks as unable to weight bare. I keep wiggling my toes to keep blood flow going. Also, sometimes it is really itchy inside my cast. Sometimes I needed to get a small amount of baby powder and poured inside the cast to help relieve the itching. I couldn't wait for the plaster to be removed as that is so heavy and drags on my foot. At night my leg was so restless, couldn't find a good position for it and the little pains made me wanted to keep moving about, not good when I wanted to sleep.

Four weeks after the break I went back to the hospital on 10^th of June 2011. They cut the cast off. I was hoping to be able to walk but no such luck. After I had the cast removed my leg was still bruised. He told me the brushes would heal and suggested I do not walk on the foot for 3 more weeks. I have now had the cast off for nearly a week and I find it very painful to walk on and very swollen. I am starting to put a little pressure but am afraid! I felt like I had an electric shock when I put more pressure. Not sure if it's a nerve or what! I usually feel fine in the morning but after a few steps I start to feel the pain surfacing. Just walking around my house becomes very difficult after less than 30 minutes, sometimes it's impossible. The pain is under the lateral malleolus but the more I walk the higher the pain radiates sometimes up past my knee. Pain wakes me up at night and is sometimes sharp radiating towards my knee or down the outside of my foot. Since then I have been patient with the ankle despite the fact it is often stiff and sometimes quite sore, and looks permanently swollen.

I went back for check up on 1^st of July 2011 and the doctor told me to get another x-ray of my right ankle. Doctor said it still not completely healed so I was told to walk with crutches and slowly put weight on the foot as much as I can do. It’s been six weeks so far. My foot turns dark red whenever I move about on crutches but with no cast I am tempted daily to walk on the ankle. I'm still on crutches as it hurts to put my weight on my foot. I've noticed that there is some slight swelling below the lateral side of my ankle bone, and it hurts when I press on certain areas of my ankle. My ankle is still swollen and like I said it is fairly painful to put a lot a weight on it. I get tired very easily, my ankle seems to stay swollen, and I know that I will never be able to wear high heels again. Every time I walk on my ankle, or while sitting down, I just rotating my ankle up with the heel still down on the ground, my ankle starts hurting. However, with rest, the pain would subside temporarily.

Ortho ordered a few sessions of physical therapy. It’s the best exercise that my ankle can receive which help the pain and the mobility in my ankle. The swelling is quite hard and is mostly in the area below the joint. Is it normal for my ankle to still be swollen and if so how long until it starts to go away? Ohww..I am so worried about it!!

I was given sick leave to recuperate at home until August. I’m due back for check up on 29^th of July 2011 and hoping I am ready to put a little bit of weight. Let's see what the Ortho says next 4 weeks! Hopefully in four weeks I will be back at work. I think I can start back to work the beginning of August and I am just praying I can do it. I hope I will start to feel better. Unfortunately, time is the only thing that will help me heal, and feel better. It seems to go slow, because I just want this over with. I wish I can return to normal physical activity and exercise once a broken ankle heals. It has been quite an experience and at this age..it's quite traumatic but I am now on way to recovery!! I just want to be able to drive and go back to work. I just can't wait to get back to the crazy life. Stay positive because I know that some people have it far worse. I have to give thanks to God all mighty for giving me the mental strength and peace during my recovery.

One reason why some relationship decay is anger. Repressed anger or outburst anger is just too of the most dangerous types of anger around which can break even a loving family. When a person gets nagged too much or if gets irritated too much, he may burst his bubble and just trample anyone around like a loosed maniac.

People have their own way of showing those who are around them that they are angry and one of them is being angry immediately shortly after they’ve been insulted or pissed off by something they did not want to happen. This type of person who gets angry almost immediately is quite dangerous to the society and should take up anger management therapy.

The other type is the person who mostly represses their feelings. They are the ones who gets yelled upon but can still smile, or those that gets stepped on by their boss but still finds their bosses faults are their own and apologize. These persons who repress their anger will usually burst and get angry not too easily but when they do, it will be one leave a whole lot of mess. Nonetheless, these two anger types will only cause damage to everyone around them, their loved ones, colleagues, but, the most usual ones who get the heavy blows are the family members.

The best thing to do is, let the storm pass. Let yourself be calmed. Trying to control your anger will be a very difficult task at first. For those who don’t want or don’t need immediate anger management therapy then these are some of the things you should do. Thinks calming thoughts, sing those little ones lullabies, you yourself will surely calm down. Stop watching movies or listening to music that may incite you to get angry easily, have a nice cold bath to ease your boiling blood when you had a fight with someone. Think of how much you love those people around you, your relatives, your wife, the kids, and stop thinking of whatever caused you to be angry, you can deal with any problem once you have clamed down.

You can talk about the problem or any of those that caused you to get angry after you have settled down. Talk to someone who can help you and not someone that will further ignite your rage. Anyways, anything will always be settled in a civil ways, we humans are not governed by anger or rage.

Do you lose your temper and wonder why?

• Some of it may be the changes your body's going through: All those hormones you hear so much about can cause mood swings and confused emotions.
• Some of it may be stress: People who are under a lot of pressure tend to get angry more easily.
• Part of it may be your personality: You may be someone who feels your emotions intensely or tends to act impulsively or lose control.
• And part of it may be your role models: Maybe you've seen other people in your family blow a fuse when they're mad.

No matter what pushes your buttons, one thing is certain — you're sure to get angry sometimes. Everyone does. Anger is a normal emotion, and there's nothing wrong with feeling mad. What counts is how we handle it (and ourselves) when we're angry.

Because anger can be powerful, managing it is sometimes challenging. It takes plenty of self-awareness and self-control to manage angry feelings. And these skills take time to develop. Self-awareness is the ability to notice what you're feeling and thinking, and why. Little kids aren't very aware of what they feel. They just act it out in their behavior. That's why you see them having tantrums when they're mad. But teens have the mental ability to be self-aware. When you get angry, take a moment to notice what you're feeling and thinking. Self-control is all about thinking before you act. It puts some precious seconds or minutes between feeling a strong emotion and taking an action you'll regret. Together, self-awareness and self-control allow you to have more choice about how to act when you're feeling an intense emotion like anger.

GETTING READY TO MAKE A CHANGE

Deciding to get control of your anger — rather than letting it control you means taking a good hard look at the ways you’ve been reacting when you get mad. Do you tend to yell and screamor say hurtful, mean, disrespectful things? Do you throw things, kick or punch walls, break stuff? Hit someone, hurt yourself, or push and shove others around?

For most people who have trouble harnessing a hot temper, reacting like this is not what they want. They feel ashamed by their behavior and don't think it reflects the real them, their best selves.

Everyone can change — but only when they want to. If you want to make a big change in how you're handling your anger, think about what you'll gain from that change. More self-respect? More respect from other people? Less time feeling annoyed and frustrated? A more relaxed approach to life? Remembering why you want to make the change can help.

It can also help to remind yourself that making a change takes time, practice, and patience. It won’t happen all at once. Managing anger is about developing new skills and new responses. As with any skills, like playing basket ball or learning the piano, it helps to practice over and over again.

MANAGE YOUR ANGER

If something happens that makes you feel angry, this approach can help you manage your reaction. It's called a problem-solving approach because you start with the problem you're mad about. Then you weigh your choices and decide what you'll do.

Each step involves asking yourself a couple of questions, then answering them based on your particular situation.

Let's take this example:

Your neighbour told you that he saw your niece attacked your daughter when you were not at home.

The red-hot anger starts building.

When you're in a particular situation that's got you mad and you need to decide what action to take, HERE’S WHAT TO DO:

IDENTIFY THE PROBLEM (self-awareness).

Start by noticing what you're angry about and why. Put into words what's making you upset so you can act rather than react.

Ask yourself:

What's got me angry?

What am I feeling and why?

You can do this either in your mind or out loud, but it needs to be clear and specific.

For example:

"I'm really angry at you because you came to my house when I am not there and…you attacked my daughter!. You’re naughty! You must end your relationship and cut off your contact with her completely and permanently!"

Your feeling is anger, and you're feeling angry because you might not get to understand what has happened.

Notice that this is not the same as saying,

"You’re so naughty!"

That statement doesn't identify the specific problem (that you came to my house and attacked my daughter) and it doesn't say how you're feeling (angry).

THINK OF POTENTIAL SOLUTIONS BEFORE RESPONDING (self-control).

This is where you stop for a minute to give yourself time to manage your anger. It's also where you start thinking of how you might react — but without reacting yet.

Ask yourself:

What can I do?

Think of at least two things. For example, in this situation you might think:

(a) I could yell at her and throw a fit.

(b) I could ask her to take times, ask her what’s wrong, listen to what she’d say, identify the causes of problems and identify whether your niece attacked your daughter or your daughter attacked your niece. Problems can occur for many different reasons. Learn to listen and to value openness. Consider if it's worth breaking up their relationship. Also consider that she is your niece, and you will have to deal with her fairly often. Carefully consider before you do anything, because being "at war" with your niece can get really ugly fast.

CONSIDER THE CONSEQUENCES OF EACH SOLUTION (think it through).

This is where you think about what is likely to result from each of the different reactions you came up with.

Ask yourself:

What will happen for each one of these options?

For example:

(a) Yelling at her may get you in worse trouble or even grounded.

(c) Asking her takes times then you may find the answers because if you listened long enough to her words, you'd find the reasons. Once you identify the reasons, it will be easier to eliminate the/their problems. Don’t you think? This option, you get to know the reasons for their problems so you don't have to worry about it for a while/anymore.

MAKE A DECISION (pick one of your options).

This is where you take action by choosing one of the two things you could do. Look at the list and pick the one that is likely to be most effective.

Ask yourself:

What's my best choice?

Once you choose your solution, then it's time to act.

CHECK YOUR PROGRESS.

After you've acted and the situation is over, spend some time thinking about how it went.

Ask yourself:

How did I do?

Did things work out as I expected?

If not, why not?

Am I satisfied with the choice I made?

Taking some time to reflect on how things worked out after it's all over is a very important step. It helps you learn about yourself and it allows you to test which problem-solving approaches work best in different situations.

Give yourself a pat on the back if the solution you chose worked out well. If it didn't, go back through the five steps and see if you can figure out why.

These steps are pretty simple when you're calm, but are much tougher to work through when you're angry or sad (kind of like in basketball practice when making baskets is much easier than in a real game when the pressure is on!). So it helps to practice over and over again.

June, 22