HOW CAN I FEEL BETTER?
ASK
I hate being softhearted. I am always nice to everyone and at the end they always end up hurting me. If you keep remembering situations, hurts that happened some time ago, you are guaranteed to have repressed emotions around this person or situation. More people walk around saying it’s not important or it doesn’t matter when it is very important and a big piece of hurting emotion is buried within them.  They will describe this hurt and being small and unimportant.  Men tend to do this rather frequently.  Write down a detailed description of all the “little and unimportant hurts” that somehow don’t go away.  Every little hurt that you keep remembering, that won’t go away, regardless of when it happened, must go on this list.  Many people have many of these little hurts. These emotions are buried within creating difficulties with their health. 
Crying is a normal releasing function for each human being.  We are born with this ability because through crying we release pain, hurt, and associated stress. Crying or writing and crying about what has happened to you can help you sort out your experience and understand it.  And understanding is crucial for many people. In time this process will relieve some of the sensitive pain around your experience and eventually make it endurable.  With time, the pain around the situation will lesson, as long as you allow yourself to feel it.
We need friends who love us and care about us, especially when we are hurting. And usually this is not the time when you could say we are at our best.  Be very careful and choose someone who will guarantee you confidentiality.  Tell your friends about what hurts you.  Feel their comfort and love.  Make sure they understand you may not want advice on how to resolve your issues. What we all need is a loving ear to listen to us with their heart.  We need loving friends in our lives.  Many people cannot tell their friends about their experiences but I take the risk and share these happenings and my feelings with my close friend whom I can trust. 
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HARD TO FORGIVE
ASK
Why is it so hard to forgive another for something they’ve said or done?  Why do we hold grudges and allow painful rifts in relationships to continue and even worsen over time? It is very difficult to forgive someone you are currently angry or upset with.  Beneath anger is some kind of pain, hurt, fear or unmet need.  If we are still feeling pain we believe was caused by something another has done (or not done) to us, we subconsciously want them to feel the same kind of pain we are experiencing.  Deep down, we want them to know, understand and experience the consequences of their actions.  Often, we want them to suffer even MORE than we are.
Unfortunately, if our intention, be it conscious or unconscious, is for them to suffer, they will almost certainly sense this and feel the need to defend themselves.  No one likes to be seen or labeled as the villain, even if there is good reason.  When they sense our negative intention toward them, part of their defensive reaction will be to see us as the “guilty one” in their mind.  They will be far more likely to judge you in return than they are to understand your pain, feel remorse and apologize.
This dynamic can escalate very quickly and lead to a continuation or deepening of the conflict and discord which can even lead to the destruction of an otherwise good relationship.
A more wise approach would be to pause and consider what we really want.  What is your highest intention for this relationship? What could you say or do that would be give you the best chance of getting the result you are looking for?  Chances are, that person did not intend to hurt or disappoint us.  When the time is right, have a respectful conversation holding the intention of finding out what they were thinking and of informing them of your internal experience.  What you want is for them to understand…. not to make them feel judged.  Avoid any kind of blame or “attack” language.  This will only increase the defensiveness and escalate the problem.
If we are successful in helping the other understand our pain or discomfort, which are nearly always based on some misunderstanding or unspoken feelings, they are much more likely to actually feel remorse and to join you in resolving the difficulty.

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FORGIVENESS AND APOLOGIES
ASK
Some people are just rude and run over people in their way. Sometimes they can be cruel or not caring. I usually get mad when things happen to me from someone I know.  I always hope I will never see them again. 
There are different degrees of what someone has done and something takes longer to forgive. Sure, apologies are nice. It’s always great when someone who has wronged you will come and tell you that they realize they were wrong and they are sorry. But that is not how it always happens. Sometimes we will be hurt and the person will never know that they hurt us. They won’t even realize that there is a need to apologize. Or maybe they do know that they hurt us but they are not going to come to us with that apology. We realize that we can’t control other people... but we can control ourselves. 
Usually for family I still forgive them but I do not deal with them or their family members during family functions. I might say ‘hi’ to them and then pretty much avoid them as much as possible. I don't tell anyone else in the family our business because it only makes the whole thing a lot bigger than it needs to be.  
When a friend does something to me that need forgiveness, I pretty much tell them straight out that they have done me wrong and if they still want to be friends, I would expect an apology or something to let me know that they are sorry. If they been a friend for a long time it’s a little harder to keep them from being friends without an apology.
However, sometimes my forgiveness does not depend on an apology from someone because I think my forgiveness is mine to give and one thing I always remember is ... "any time you forgive someone don't forget what they did. If you forget what they did to you then you will never forgive yourself for letting them do it again and they will if you forget." 


So remember it’s OK to forgive but it’s not OK to forget.



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