|
|
It is a good if you can get along with family but the truth is that sometimes a "person's family" is too toxic to continue to associate with. I see many families that really horrible people. It's a myth that all families are good. If you have a family like that, you have to distance yourself. Sometimes, their family is your trouble and you are better off taking your chances alone instead of allowing negative, destructive people invade your life!
.
I don’t have any answers to explain how some people can inflict unspeakably horrific actions upon other people.
When we talk about forgiveness, it’s easy for the person to become angry for such an outrageous suggestion. Why forgive when the inclination is to seek revenge? Forgiveness is an internal affair. Forgiveness is a choice made that has little or nothing to do with another person. We forgive entirely and totally for our own sake, not for others. There’s no easy answer and no simple formula for forgiveness. Forgiveness does not happen on its’ own and time does not heal all wounds but when you decide you are ready to let go, then answers of how to forgive will come. Even then, it’s a process. You engage in the choice to forgive over and over and over again. Until finally one day, maybe in the near future or maybe not until many years from now, you realize something is different within you. No longer do you live consumed with anger, you now live in a world where love, peace, safety, and joy are available to you.
I NEVER treat someone like the "enemy" until he/she gives me reason to treat them... otherwise...I rather like to think people are basically good...I treat men like I want to be treated myself...however, if they show me that they cannot act like human beings, what should I do to them?
Dear friend..
"Don't do anything. Next time he/she comes up to you and starts hurling insults DON'T SAY A WORD. Just look at him/her like he/she is the most disgusting thing you have ever seen, with a little smirk on your face eventually he/she will get bored and walk away. It will drive him/her crazy. He/she is not worth your time and energy. If he/she goes to hit you by all means hit him/her back. But from this moment don't say another word to him/her. He/she is doing this to get a reaction from you, if you don’t react to what he/she is saying he/she will be so shocked. NOT forgiving someone is okay! Depending on who it is/what they did/what happened…some things are just plain unforgivable and that is okay!"
Has it came to your mind who your friend is? I mean a real friend whom you can rely on? One who keeps contact to you whatever happens? One who does not wait to have the reasons behind to contact you? For good and for bad times?
Do you still have contact to each other? It does not matter which part of the world where she/he lives. I am sure that it is not a problem nowadays. The world is getting smaller everyday through internet.
Do you still have contact to each other? It does not matter which part of the world where she/he lives. I am sure that it is not a problem nowadays. The world is getting smaller everyday through internet.
For me, a real friend is somebody whom I can talk to and to whom I can communicate freely. The one who can accept me whatever and whoever I am with all my positive and negative nature. One who cares and respects me, be there for me not only at happy moments but also at bad times. One who does not wait for me to contact her/him, from time to time has the initiative to contact me with her/his own free will, just to have a "nonsense" chat with me. One who not only listens to what I say about myself and my family but also tells me what is going on in her/his life because friendship is all about giving, taking and sharing each others life.
I hope that my "lost" friend can read this. It seems that you are getting very far away from me.
I hope that my "lost" friend can read this. It seems that you are getting very far away from me.
Letting go
doesn’t mean giving up… it means moving on. It is one of the hardest things a
person can do. Starting at birth, we grasp on to anything we can get our hands
on, and hold on as if we will cease to exist when we let go. We feel that
letting go is giving up, quitting, and that as we all know is cowardly. But as
we grow older we are forced to change our way of thinking. We are forced to
realize that letting go means accepting things that cannot be. It means
maturing and moving on, no matter how hard you have to fight yourself to do so.
Losing respect for someone is not reversible; when
its lost its lost, it's gone. It's not a misunderstanding, it's a choice, a
person's decision to do something disrespecting towards themselves so it's not
like conflict between parties where apologizing or forgiving someone or vice
versa, where strong character and respect is shown between two parties for
whatever reason, where both parties gain and move forward together or move on
separately but with respect and still somewhat caring feelings about each
other. When respect is lost because of weak character resulting in
disrespectful displays and selfish showings only one party gains and that's the
party that shows they don't care what anyone thinks except for themselves so in
turn they got everything that they set out for and in return also get what they
show, no care, no respect by showing....no care, no respect
You cannot control what others say about you but you
certainly can control what you say about others. Let your words be seasoned
with grace and do not allow corrupt communications to come out of your mouth. A
major part of self-control is tongue-control.
I hate being softhearted. I am always nice to everyone and at the end they always end up hurting me. If you keep remembering situations, hurts that happened some time ago, you are guaranteed to have repressed emotions around this person or situation. More
people walk around saying it’s not important or it doesn’t matter when it is
very important and a big piece of hurting emotion is buried within them. They will describe this hurt and being small and
unimportant. Men tend to do this
rather frequently. Write down a
detailed description of all the “little and unimportant hurts” that somehow
don’t go away. Every little hurt
that you keep remembering, that won’t go away, regardless of when it happened,
must go on this list. Many people have
many of these little hurts. These emotions are
buried within creating difficulties with their health.
Crying is a normal releasing function for each human being. We are born with this ability because through crying we release pain, hurt, and associated stress. Crying or writing and crying about what has happened to you can help you sort out your experience and understand it. And understanding is crucial for many people. In time this process will relieve some of the sensitive pain around your experience and eventually make it endurable. With time, the pain around the situation will lesson, as long as you allow yourself to feel it.
We need friends who love us and care about us, especially when we are hurting. And usually this is not the time when you could say we are at our best. Be very careful and choose someone who will guarantee you confidentiality. Tell your friends about what hurts you. Feel their comfort and love. Make sure they understand you may not want advice on how to resolve your issues. What we all need is a loving ear to listen to us with their heart. We need loving friends in our lives. Many people cannot tell their friends about their experiences but I take the risk and share these happenings and my feelings with my close friend whom I can trust.
Why is it so hard to forgive another for something they’ve
said or done? Why do we hold grudges and allow painful rifts in
relationships to continue and even worsen over time? It is very difficult to
forgive someone you are currently angry or upset with. Beneath anger is
some kind of pain, hurt, fear or unmet need. If we are still feeling pain
we believe was caused by something another has done (or not done) to us, we
subconsciously want them to feel the same kind of pain we are
experiencing. Deep down, we want them to know, understand and experience
the consequences of their actions. Often, we want them to suffer even
MORE than we are.
Unfortunately, if our intention, be it conscious or
unconscious, is for them to suffer, they will almost certainly sense this and
feel the need to defend themselves. No one likes to be seen or labeled as
the villain, even if there is good reason. When they sense our negative
intention toward them, part of their defensive reaction will be to see us as
the “guilty one” in their mind. They will be far more likely to judge you
in return than they are to understand your pain, feel remorse and apologize.
This dynamic can escalate very quickly and lead to a
continuation or deepening of the conflict and discord which can even lead to
the destruction of an otherwise good relationship.
A more wise approach would be to pause and consider what we
really want. What is your highest intention for this relationship? What
could you say or do that would be give you the best chance of getting the
result you are looking for? Chances are, that person did not intend to hurt
or disappoint us. When the time is right, have a respectful conversation
holding the intention of finding out what they were thinking and of informing
them of your internal experience. What you want is for them to
understand…. not to make them feel judged. Avoid any kind of blame or
“attack” language. This will only increase the defensiveness and escalate
the problem.
If we are successful in helping the other understand our
pain or discomfort, which are nearly always based on some misunderstanding or
unspoken feelings, they are much more likely to actually feel remorse and to
join you in resolving the difficulty.
Some
people are just rude and run over people in their way. Sometimes they can be cruel or not
caring. I usually get mad when things happen to me from someone I know. I always hope I will never see them again.
There are different degrees of what someone has done and something takes longer to forgive. Sure, apologies are nice. It’s always great when someone who has wronged you will come and tell you that they realize they were wrong and they are sorry. But that is not how it always happens. Sometimes we will be hurt and the person will never know that they hurt us. They won’t even realize that there is a need to apologize. Or maybe they do know that they hurt us but they are not going to come to us with that apology. We realize that we can’t control other people... but we can control ourselves.
So remember it’s OK to forgive but it’s not OK to forget.
There are different degrees of what someone has done and something takes longer to forgive. Sure, apologies are nice. It’s always great when someone who has wronged you will come and tell you that they realize they were wrong and they are sorry. But that is not how it always happens. Sometimes we will be hurt and the person will never know that they hurt us. They won’t even realize that there is a need to apologize. Or maybe they do know that they hurt us but they are not going to come to us with that apology. We realize that we can’t control other people... but we can control ourselves.
Usually
for family I still forgive them but I do not deal with them or their family
members during family functions. I might say ‘hi’ to them and then pretty
much avoid them as much as possible. I don't tell anyone else in the family our
business because it only makes the whole thing a lot bigger than it needs to be.
When a friend does something to me that need forgiveness, I pretty much tell them straight out that they have done me wrong and if they still want to be friends, I would expect an apology or something to let me know that they are sorry. If they been a friend for a long time it’s a little harder to keep them from being friends without an apology.
When a friend does something to me that need forgiveness, I pretty much tell them straight out that they have done me wrong and if they still want to be friends, I would expect an apology or something to let me know that they are sorry. If they been a friend for a long time it’s a little harder to keep them from being friends without an apology.
However, sometimes
my forgiveness does not depend on an apology from someone because I think my
forgiveness is mine to give and one thing I always remember is ... "any time you
forgive someone don't forget what they did. If you forget what they did to you
then you will never forgive yourself for letting them do it again and they will
if you forget."
So remember it’s OK to forgive but it’s not OK to forget.
Seize the Day.
Live each day as if it's your last and overall just do it! Today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present. Be present to enjoy the moment. Each day is a fresh start with options just waiting to be explored, so what are you waiting for?
Clear your mind.
Clear your mind.
Rituals of yoga, meditation and tai chi will replenish and rejuvenate your soul to focus more clearly on serenity and happiness.
Don’t hang onto the past!
Don’t stress out about the mistakes you’ve made - take them in stride and learn from them. From each mistake spawns a lesson. Do not worry about the past because it is gone, do not worry about the future because it is yet to come, live in today and embrace it!
Love yourself.
Love others.
Love
the ones who treat you right. Give love without expecting it to be returned. Be
selfless in your attitude towards others.
Accept everyone.
Be kind and courteous. Enjoy the company of others. Acknowledge their goodness rather than the differences in their beliefs. Do not judge others. Treat others as you would like to be treated.
Make friends.
Make true friends; friends around whom you can be yourself. Go more places with them so that you can share your joy with someone else. By being around people you will become a more understanding person.Forgive yourself and others.
Release your negative energy that holds you back, your past failures, embrace whatever life offers you.
Be positive.
Focus on good thoughts and good things will happen. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Beating yourself up won’t help anything. Be positive. Say, think, and do positive things. Always look on the sunny side of life. Remember that the glass isn’t half empty, it’s half full.
Erase your negative thoughts.
Take
actions towards resolving the root cause any bad thoughts (anger, fear, doubt,
hate,...). Cancel each one out with a good thought called affirmations:
"I'm over that." "I am brave!" "I know I can do
it!" "I forgive and I do not hate!" You may not be feeling the
best at the moment, but you will feel better once you think about good things.
Think about all of the things life has to offer, because though things may be
horrible at the moment -- the future holds a lot of hope. It should make you
smile and not store negative feelings to be relived later.
Be honest with yourself and others,
especially with yourself.
Dishonesty
can lead to denial as you start to believe your own story, with that comes a
curdling hidden stress that saps away energy and happiness. Self-acceptance is
important, self-honesty with others keeps life simpler and makes it easier to
avoid the people who just categorically don't like you for your views or some
other thing about you. It builds trust when you're honest with others. It
builds confidence when you're honest with yourself.
Be adventurous.
Explore,
live on the edge a little, and embrace new challenges. Visit new places with
your loved ones. Take the road less traveled. Don’t stick to the same old, same
old. Life is more exciting with adventure!
Find purpose in life.
Find
something that gives your life meaning, be it being a great friend, sibling,
parent, grandparent, teacher, neighbor, etc. Once you have found something to
live for, you’ll live better. If it's not your relationships as a central
purpose, maybe it's your occupation or something that you do outside work that
makes a difference to others. The meaning of your life is something you decide.
Set goals and move toward them in small reasonable steps.
Give back.
Give back.
Be
selfless in service to others. Begin with your neighbor. Do charitable service
outside of your immediate community as well. Giving back will not only make you
better as a person, it will help others.
Be realistic.
Set
attainable goals according to your abilities and talents. Consider each effort
to be an attainment. Achieve one step before the other towards stability and
security.
Seek balance.
Understand
the night and day, back and forth, good and bad in all things.
Maintain control.
Be
responsible for your actions and inaction. Be true to yourself. Maintain a
personal code in the situation at hand. Find common ground.
Be carefree.
Desires,
obsessions and possessions possess you. Free yourself from your impulses. Make
an active decision to have simple daily needs.
Laugh.
Laughter
is the best medicine. It releases endorphins and promotes longevity. Inner joy
is beautiful!
Be flexible.
Accept
change as a positive thing in life. At times, go with the flow that is
before you.
List a few daily goals.
Meet
a new friend, swim at the lake or walk in the park. Enhance your day and
initiate fun!
Make a bucket list.
Make a list of all the things you want to do before you die like learning an adventurous skill, making progress in work or sport, bungee jumping, sky diving, etc. Check off your list! This will make you feel like you've accomplished something.
Keep a journal.
Record your victories in life as well as your delights. Take time to reflect on what has been previously written. Be an inspiration to yourself and others.
Anticipate tomorrow.
Everyday
is unique, like the blossoming clouds. It's never the same, but always
beautiful. If things aren’t going right for you, remember that there is always
tomorrow. Tomorrow, your life could change for the better.
Accept death.
Pondering
death brings appreciation to life. Take time to appreciate the expanse and
beauty of your life and our earth. Don’t fight death or live in fear of it. Let
go peacefully.
Appreciate the little things.
Take a walk around your community to experience the wonder in a way that you have never experienced it before. Pretend that you are from a different country and you’re here for the first time. Go out with your family and take time to appreciate them. Take it all in and find the beauty it - it’s all around you, just open up your eyes and look!
Appreciate the environment.
Take
a break occasionally and go for a walk. Assume that you have come from another
planet. Take a fresh look at the clouds, the colors of sky at sunset and
sunrise. Look at the plants, trees, leaves, and flowers and how they sway when
wind blows. Look at water how it shakes and shapes itself in the vessel it's
stored. Look at numerous forms of life - insects, animals, birds and humans.
This exercise will clear off the dead memories and monotony that kills the joy
of living.
Express Gratitude.
Recognize
daily the things you are grateful for. Let your family, friends, and other
significant ones know how grateful you are to have them. Share and express love
while you can.
Inspire yourself.
Do something that inspires you, be it
finding a role model or simply reading an inspirational quote life is better
once you’ve enlightened yourself!
Take nothing for granted.
Appreciate
everything and everyone around you - your family, friends, house, pets,
environment, and world. One day, you may wake up to find that one of those
things is gone, so appreciate them while you have them.
Put things into perspective.
Remember
that even though your life may seem tough right now, there is no doubt somebody
out there going through something much worse.
Don’t let possessions rule your life.
Don’t
let new electronics, clothes, or cars take over your life and who you are.
Material possessions are only accessories to you and your life. You come first.
Don’t give up.
Do
not accept defeat, even if it seems like it’s the only option. Look at the
obstacles that others have overcome to be who they are and to fight for what
they think is right. Translate that into your everyday life and use that
mindset to accomplish simple things in life.
Follow your dreams.
Make a list of everything you’ve ever dreamed of doing and then make it happen. Dreams aren’t achieved by sitting around and waiting. They’re achieved by getting up and working for them! Work hard and make your dreams a reality! Work hard and play harder! You can always fulfill your dreams. If you really want something, find a way to achieve it!
Listen for advice, but be confident in making your own decision. Use your instinct. Don’t let others tell you what to do.
However, be humble and respect others opinions (in truth). Stand up for what you believe in and don’t let others push you around. It's possible to do this and still be open to other people's ideas, as they may surprise you. Do not get caught up on little things. Know it when you're facing major conflicts and find creative ways to live with them - does it matter more that you disagree with a loved one or that you love them?
Be YOU.
Maintain a strong foundation of beliefs.
Be YOU.
Have the courage to be yourself. You are who you are! Even if society doesn’t like it, you are you, so forget what others think and live your life! Do what you want, because life is what you make it, and your life is yours! Nobody else is going to live your life, so it’s up to you!
Makkah Time
Posts
