LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

Each of us needs to have boundaries in all of our relationships that allow us to free, safe, healthy, and whole individuals. There boundaries will vary somewhat from person to person and from relationship to relationship due to various variables.

There are five areas that cannot be taken from us without our consent. We should be careful to protect them and keep good boundaries around them. They are the freedoms to perceive what we perceive, think what we think, feel what we feel, want what we want, and imagine our own future. Keep good boundaries around these freedoms in all your relationships including your closest friend.

Think of it this way. Don’t let your friends “should” or “shouldn’t” on you. If they say “Oh you shouldn’t do that,” be cautious. If they say “You don’t want to do that,” be careful. If they say “How could you feel that way,” look out.

Also make some boundaries about what you do for your friends. Here are some general rules. Don’t do it if, they didn’t ask you. Don’t do it if they could just as easily do it for themselves. Don’t do it if you will resent it afterwards. Don’t do it if it will harm them, you, or someone else.

Keep good physical boundaries as well. There are no hard and fast rules about physical closeness. However, you should know what your comfort zone is and not let friends inside that distance without your permission. You might even say that physical distance is a measure of the “closeness” of your friendship.

Think carefully about friendship “with privileges.” Sexual intimacy changes relationships and can cross a line that makes “being just friends” hard to retreat back into.

Be clear about boundaries for your possessions and money. A “what’s mine is yours” limit is probably more than you want to set. Lending money to friends can be the end of a beautiful relationship. Often it is better is you want to help just to give money and let go of it. However, it is probably best not to give significant amounts. What is significant will be up to you and your resources. It may be $5 for one person or $5000 for another.

Think over these areas for good boundaries and take and inward look at your relationships. If it is time for a change make it.