Telling the truth is important in a close relationship whether we like to admit it or not. Telling the truth is difficult because it typically involves telling something that he/she does NOT want to hear.
Before you tell the truth, it is often wise to consider what you hope to accomplish by doing so. Are you trying to hurt someone or make your relationship stronger?
If you ultimately decide to tell the truth, what is the best way to do it?
What are some practical things you can do to make the truth easier?
Time and Setting – Do it in private and when he/she has time to cope with the information. For instance, pick a time when he/she can reach out to others for support. Do not disclose unpleasant information in the middle of the night or when he/she is on their way to work. Put yourself in his/her shoes; if you had to, when would you want to be on the receiving end of unpleasant information?
Prepare Him/Her – Right before you disclose the information, tell him/her that you have something which you need to talk about - that you need to disclose something which may be difficult to hear. And it helps to ask him/her to listen and react calmly to what you have to say.
Be Descriptive – When disclosing information, try to be descriptive rather than evaluative. In other words, describe what you have done or what may have happened without blaming him/her. Take responsibility for your actions. The truth is difficult enough to hear without blaming him/her for the situation (even if he/she may be partially responsible).
Expect the Worst – Imagine the worst case scenario and prepare for it. Will he/she need time away from you? Or will they want to ask you a lot of questions? What do you think his/her response will be?
Resist the Urge to Defend Yourself or Fight Back – The truth can be very painful to hear. And when people are hurt or in pain they often lash out at or attack the person they believe to be responsible their feelings. Typically, the best way to deal with such a situation is to avoid fighting back. Rather, try listen to and acknowledge his/her feelings. And it helps to resist the urge offer explanations or excuses (even if they are asked for). Generally speaking, when people are hurt or in pain they need to feel understood before they are willing to entertain excuses or explanations for what may have happened.
Makkah Time
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