Letting go is not something most of us are taught to do. We hear expressions about ‘holding on’ all the time. We are told that we should ‘hold on for dear life,’ ‘keep a grip on reality,’ ‘hang on to the bitter end,’ and so on.
Phrases like these don’t encourage us to let go, but this is what we really need to do if we want to experience happiness and emotional freedom. Holding on too tight can only cause pain and frustration. Everything in life is temporary, we will have to let go of everything eventually- even life itself.
Trying to hold on to our hopes and expectations of how things ‘should’ be is a sure recipe for dissatisfaction. The biggest cause of frustration in life is a gap between how we want things to be and how they really are.
To be happy, no matter what, we have to give up trying to force things to be different from how they are. This doesn’t mean that we should accept everything as it is and stop trying to make positive changes in our lives and our circumstances, but it means we should stop trying to ‘will’ reality to conform to our wishes. There are some things that we have control over, and there are many things we don’t. The only thing that we can always have total control over is the way we respond or react to circumstances.
In situations that cause us pain, holding onto the belief that reality 'should' be different from how it actually is will only cause us to experience suffering as well as pain.
Letting go of the belief that there is only one way that things should work out, and only one outcome that will make us happy frees us to go with the twists and turns that are inevitable in life. To go with the flow of life frees us from the pressure of trying to control things which are beyond our control.
Slowing down is also essential in creating a balanced life. Letting go of the need for constant action can be a vital key to avoiding burnout.
By all means, set your goals, make your plans, and work towards what you want, but to greatly increase your chances of being happy and satisfied, let go of the outcome.
Trying to predict all the possible outcomes of an action will only result in worry. Instead, try using some affirmations or worry quotes for help in letting go of worry.
It can help to make your goals a little broader too. Rather than setting your heart on a particular job, try figuring out the essence of the work you desire.
For example, do you want a job that allows you to be creative, to work flexible hours, and to have a lot of social interaction? There are so many types of work that can provide these things. Opening your mind to fulfilling your career goals in a less specific way opens the door to a wide range of possible outcomes- some far more fulfilling than any you may have been able to imagine.
Letting go of the belief that there is only one job that can make you happy allows the universe to step in with an array of possibilities. If you keep your heart set on that certain job (which you may or may not get) you will very likely decline or overlook those potentially fulfilling options that are always there when you really open your mind.
In every aspect of our lives, letting go of a rigid idea of how things should be sets us free to find fulfillment in the endless choices and chances that life offers us.
Holding on tightly to beliefs and expectations can prevent us from attaining happiness in a number of ways. It creates tension, and tension is a definite barrier to freedom and joy. We can become rigid with too many fixed ideas of what we want, what we need, how our lives should be.
It is such a human tendency to tightly clutch the things we have for fear of losing them. We even hold tight to negative beliefs, unhappy relationships, and unsatisfactory jobs. We do this out of fear. Fear that if we let go of what we have, we won’t find anything better, or even as good. Fear that somebody else will get ‘our share.' Holding on to a situation that causes pain is the only truly wrong choice in life.
We cling even tighter to the things we have that we do really want. We become terrified that these things will be taken from us, so we hang on for dear life. Not only is it impossible to hold on to anything, as everything in life is impermanent, but squeezing too hard can cause the thing you love to become damaged, suffocated, or even a shadow of what it was. It can also cause the object of your smothering to want to escape.
In terms of relationships, if someone is staying with you only because you are trying to make it impossible for them to leave, this can definitely have negative effects. If someone feels trapped by a partner, they will either retreat emotionally, become disempowered, or leave.
I like the saying that if you love something set it free. If it is meant for you then it will come back. We all need space to be ourselves, and to stay with a partner because we want to, not because they make us feel we have to.
Another problem that arises from holding on to things in your life is that your hands are full. You cannot receive new gifts and opportunities from life if you are unable to reach out and accept them.
Something we need to let go of is the idea that we need to be perfect. As well the fact that perfection is an impossible goal, the only thing you need to do to be happy is to be yourself- imperfections and all.
Letting go does not mean giving up, becoming passive, or accepting the status quo. It just means loosening your grip on life, accepting that many things are beyond your control, and trusting that whatever happens in your life, there will be wonderful opportunities for learning, growth, choice, freedom and happiness. Let go and let life happen.
Makkah Time
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