LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

25th August 2010. I have to say goodbye to a friend although I don't want to do that. Goodbyes are hard. Forever goodbyes are the hardest. And that blows my mind, because it shouldn't be happening. We know life isn't fair. Nice people shouldn't die early. And people with perpetual smiles on their faces are too precious to die early. He was all that. He was too nice. Maybe you've been lucky to know someone like that but now he is no longer with us. And that's certainly too early to end a life. Throughout the day I was shocked and sad. That's to be expected, if you've never experienced a suicide of a friend. It's hard to really know why some decide to end it all. Even if someone leaves a note or experiences great loss, we still can't totally fathom a satisfying answer to the horrible, haunting question, "Why?" Yet all I feel is sad - and scared. Why scared? See, I know his grin was sincere. It was no charade. I know he loved life. So what lurks behind the smiles and laughs I see in my friends every day? Are they real, a mask or something in between? Do we really know them? Even worse, do we really know ourselves? I don't know the answer. All I know is, like a lot of others – I'm going to miss him.